Andrew and Cheryl destined for fake divorce on MAFS

The wrong film was awarded Best Picture at the Oscars, Lorde dropped a new single, and the couples on Married at First Sight stayed together against all odds.

This episode, down-to-earth sweethearts Sean and Susan jumped between being puppy-eyed for one another one second, and casting doubts over their relationship the next. The producers, understandably, milked this subplot for all it was worth.

"We have so many reasons not to be together," Susan said. "But I'm not ready to say goodbye to him yet. All the values in him, I completely want in a person. It's something I've never found in any other guy."

That's nice, but the man lives in the middle of nowhere. And Susan's family members are having nothing of this deep-bush tree-change nonsense.

Sean is aware of this, admitting that the distance factor is slowly "killing" the relationship. Cue lots of shots of him staring out of windows or simply at the other side of the room.

"My head is telling me to leave, but my heart is telling me to stay," he tells the camera. "I don't know how much longer we can keep doing this to ourselves."

It's all very sweet, but the other contestants have much more to worry about.

Take Cheryl and Andrew, for instance. The pair have not had the best time on the show so far - and that's putting it lightly.

Firstly, there was that teeny-tiny incident where - how to put this? - their respective partners fled into the wilderness and sought new partners.

After Cheryl was encouraged to get together with Andrew by "relationships expert" Dr John Aiken, came that unforgettable beach date.

After serenading Cheryl with a guitar, the salt air whipping through her hair, Andrew went in for a bit of a sexy smooch. Alas, Cheryl pulled away.

"I don't want to kiss you," she said. Ouch.

And to top it all off, Andrew is still shaken after being verbally flayed alive by Cheryl's dad.

As a result, the pair spend this episode living in separate apartments.

But it's the drama that unfolds on-screen when the couples reveal whether or not they want a one-way ticket to divorce town that makes this episode excellent viewing.

One of the first couples to discuss the future of their relationship, farmer-doesn't-quite-want-a-wife Sean and Susan, lay the groundwork for a clean, respectful divorce.

"I love the farm and I love my horses," Sean said. "I can't see myself changing and going to Susan's lifestyle, and vice versa ??? but I'm gunna stay."

"I see so many good qualities in Susan and I'm learning so much from her," he continued. Producers are definitely setting up Sean to become the hero of Married at First Sight... but more on that topic later.

Even Nardia and "I'd rather be in a hotel" Anthony don't call it quits, despite the latter insinuating that it's a woman's role to be a slave in the kitchen. Hello, 1917.

"If I'm hungry, feed me," he said as the other contestants' bottom jaws parked themselves on the plush studio carpet. "If I need a drink, give me a drink."

Nardia's response?

"When someone comes to visit me, I wouldn't expect them to sort of be hanging off the fridge."

Amen, sister. But that's what makes it even more mind-boggling when the patient flight attendant doesn't dump his sorry arse right then and there. But I guess that's reality television for you. Won't somebody think of the ratings!

Last but not least, Cheryl and Andrew step into the spotlight, picking out each other's flaws like they've been really married for five decades instead of fake-married for five weeks.

Andrew said being verbally flayed alive by Cheryl's father was like being "thrown under a bus". He then reveals he's written "leave" on his marriage commitment slip.

Cheryl, meanwhile, is hurt.

"At the end of the day I understand," she said, attempting to regain her composure. "It's been very rough for us these past few weeks."

But instead of pulling the plug, Cheryl shows that she's written "stay" on her commitment slip, meaning the pair have to slug it out for at least another week. What could go wrong?

The next day, the couple talk about their troubles. For once, it all seems to be working out.

That night, though, things take a predictable turn when Andrew tells the boys how he really feels over a beer or 17.

"She [Cheryl] talks like she drives - real quick," he said. He also admits that the woman who walked out on him, Lauren, was more fun to hang out with. Oh, and there's that part when he reckons he's single.

But farmer-doesn't-really-want-a-wife Sean steps in to save Andrew's sobfest from delving into a rull-blown MRA circle-jerk. This is the exact moment producers signpost him as the show's good-guy.

"Maybe just living in separate apartments might give youse time to think," he said. "Just think positive."

But to the camera, Sean tells it how it really is.

"It was all a bagging-Cheryl-out session," he said. "I thought it was pretty f---ing shit, actually."

And Michelle is STAYING! #9Married pic.twitter.com/uALZhtRZTn??? #TVWEEKmag (@TVWEEKmag) March 5, 2017