In the current sociopolitical climate, it seems easy for our men to be forgotten. With a focus on women helping women, empowering women, and ensuring that no girl is left behind, it’s easy to forget boys can also be in need of support, help and the same commitment to ensure they don’t fall through the cracks.
Whether it is gender groups, social groups, industry groups, cultural groups or occupational groups, there’s usually a cross section of the good, the bad and the ugly. Recognising the value of individuality, regardless of social “constructs” currently being deconstructed and redefined, the experience of an individual is not less valid because it doesn’t fit the prevailing “truth”.
November is one month of the year when men can break the stereotype, talk about their feelings, discuss the importance of mental health and grow a mo to raise awareness of the fact that too many men are dying too young.
Movember, as this 30-day period is called, is a chance to remind each other that our dads, brothers, sons, mates, colleagues, cousin’s cousin once removed are important to those around them.
And also, how vital it is that we shed the stereotypical stoicism that sees so many men bottle up their health issues, emotional needs and psychological concerns.
As a career counsellor, I am on the frontlines of workplace stress. I see firsthand how it can break a person. I understand how family stress can impact work performance and productivity, and how important it is that we all give ourselves permission to be human and, on occasion, put the juggling balls down altogether.
This isn’t about dividing us and saying only men experience work stress, it’s about recognising that sometimes, our men need an extra nudge to deal with what is so often termed the touchy feelies.
Figures show that 76 per cent of suicides are men, and 85 per cent of our homeless are male.
The vast majority of military deaths (both killed in action and as a result of subsequent mental health battles) are men.
In 2014, the Sydney Morning Herald published an article citing the strangely silent statistic that 95 per cent of fatalities in the workplace (specifically in 2012, but the number speaks to a common trend) were men, concluding that “the No.1 risk factor for dying at work in Australia is being a bloke”.
These are numbers that we don’t hear very often. But they need to be heard.
This isn’t about dividing us and saying only men experience work stress, it’s about recognising that sometimes, our men need an extra nudge.
This is an issue close to my heart. As I held our 18-month-old son in my arms, I almost lost my husband in the workplace through no fault of his own.
We’ve all seen those WorkCover ads where the wife is watching the clock, the son is holding his basketball, waiting for Dad to come home but he’s late.
It might be stereotyped staging, but having lived through it, it hits home.
When that ute turns in the driveway and the tension drains out of the shoulders of those waiting for him, the truth of the matter comes subtly to light.
Just as we want to be (and hopefully are) loved and valued by our men, we love and value them too.
And sometimes we need to remember to tell them this.
I hope it is becoming more accepted that men don’t have to live up to warrior standards where they are expected to shoulder burdens singlehandedly, unable to put words to the storm brewing within.
I hope that in our haste for equality, as women, we are able to remember that we value those whom we want equal footing with. We shouldn’t be at war with each other when there is plenty of ground to go around.
We aren’t capitulating or retreating, acquiescing or submitting to remember that boys and girls matter equally.
When respect is taught equally – not just to respect each other but to also respect ourselves – we give each other a greater chance of finding a path worthy of our collective light.
Above all, we need to remember we are all on this blue-green dot, hurtling through space together.
And we will all achieve greater things if we work together, regardless of gender, race, religion, industry or occupation.
If you or someone you know needs support, phone Lifeline on 13 11 14
Zoë Wundenberg is a careers writer and coach at impressability.com.au