MILLSY'S MUSINGS is the column from Bunbury Mail editor Shanelle Miller.
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Twenty-five-year-old Shanelle is a self-confessed country bumpkin with a penchant for good food (and lots of it), SingStar, a cheeky cider on a summer's day and compulsive online shopping.
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My name is Bunbury and I am A BINGE DRINKER.
It sounds like such a nasty affliction, a horrible habit that only the down-and-out from the low socio-economic side of the road would be saddled with.
Surely all of us mid-range members of the community with stable jobs, families and health insurance could not be lumped into the “binge” category.
But I can tell you right now, just about every one of my friends and family wears the scarlet “B".
According to Australian medical experts, binge drinking is “drinking too much on a single occasion".
It means drinking more than the recommended level for adults – which is more than four standard drinks at any one time.
FOUR?
Considering the fact that knocking back a measley single stubby of my cider of choice on a hot summer’s night puts me back 1.5 standard drinks, I’m going to be in for a very quiet night if I am to avoid “bingeing".
It can also refer to drinking continuously for a number of days or weeks, occasional or irregular bouts of heavy drinking or drinking to deliberately get drunk.
Hands up if you have done any of these things?
On a recent visit to the doctor’s office, I was thrown this question from left field.
“How much do you drink?”
After squirming in my chair for an uncomfortable couple of seconds, I replied, “As much as any 25-year-old".
The glare and head shake told me she was not happy with this response.
But a poignant question has been raised in my office....
Perhaps there should be a more defined Richter scale to determine how much one drinks, or to what extent they are impaired by their drink of choice.
If you are fat we label you overweight, obese, morbidly obese and God knows what else, so why not the same with drinking?
After some hearty discussion, we have come up with the following.
The Binge Drinker: Consumes four standard drinks or more. Depending on your constitution, this usually amounts to a slightly elevated enthusiasm for conversation and a penchant for the dancefloor.
The “I Love You”: Time for those Deep and Meaningful conversations, interspersed with declarations of love (not dependent on having known the person before the drinking began).
The Empty Pockets: All of a sudden you have no possessions. That means no phone, no wallet and no keys. The amount to which this fact bothers you varies.
The Watchful Bouncer: He’s got his eye on you. Concentraaaaate.
The Stumbler: Perfectly level flooring poses a challenge. Steps become a conundrum.
The Napper: Congratulations, you now have pictures of genitalia inked on your face with permanent marker. You may have also lost one or both eyebrows.
The Neuralyzer: That’s the gadget Agent K used to erase Will Smith’s memory in Men in Black. Depending on your choices, you could lose artfully placed chunks of the night or the whole shebang could be wiped.
Some may become enraged that we are making light of a serious epidemic which has swept Australia and cost the health sector millions, but wouldn’t a more comprehensive and realistic scale of what is safe and what is not be worth consideration?
Because as far as I know, telling the average Australian that they must stick to two beers while watching the AFL grand final or flipping snags on Straya Day is not going to fly.
What do you think? Are how-much-to-drink guidelines incompatible with our lifestyles? Post your comments below.
